Did Some 360 Bullet Time Light Painting @ XANGLE (120 cameras)

Over the years, I’ve been a drummer, bass player, signer in hardcore bands. I’ve been a writer and a poet for over a decade and then a painter as well. I’ve worked with canvas, razor blades, wood, plywood, coroplast, lines, splashes, blothces, silkscreen, stains…Sometimes I just throw paint at a canvas and see how I can get an emotion out of it.

A few weeks ago I was invited to try light painting by Eric Paré and it turned out to be one of the most intense and emotionally satisfying creative moment of my life.

He made a video out of it and I can’t ever be grateful enough for the way XANGLE presented my work and process.

This one’s going in the portfolio for sure!

Thank you so much!

Ian.

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Trystych no 1 and 2 (new paintings)

I guess 2018 will be the year I explore new techniques, shapes and materials. From silkscreen to drips, splashes and abstract expressionism.

I’ve worked with plywood, coroplast, cardboard, planks and now half a tree trunk.

Here are two new ones for you. (Still touch ups to be done)

Trystych no1 and 2.

Moving, figuring out what I need and the art of compromise.

I think I’m a guy who lives a well-balanced life. I’m the guy who works 35 hours a week, spends what he makes and only what he makes. I’ll drink water instead of pepsi, I don’t do alcohol or drugs or meat. It may sound boring, but it really isn’t.

Working only 35 hours leaves me 5 hours a week to write, 5 more to train/climb/yoga and as much time as my kids really needs. I live fully every day, taking small victories when they come and live struggles as a part of existence.

I write almost every day. I find painting emotionally fulfilling. I am rarely ever stressed at work. Sometimes money gets tight as hell but I’ve lived with it in the past. I’m rarely just sitting at home, often go out to explore new parts of my own city. I go to the park with the girls, I go see art exhibitions, I climb, I create…you get the idea.

I think I’ve always been frugal by nature. That came with being straight edge. I take pleasure in certain things of life that may seem “small” but that are really all that matters : love, family, writing, art, good food, breathing and sunlight.

Life threw a few wrenches my way last year and I am now a single dad. I’m selling my home and looking to move into something slightly smaller in a better neighbourhood to cut down on my costs and commute.

This is what I call the art of compromise. Moving there will mean a smaller space but if I cut it to only what I need in terms of material, then that space will be all I need. It will reduce my commute by almost 30 minutes a day once everything is settled and it will clear about 200 dollars a month for me to put anywhere else I need (Dee’s college fund for example – which is WAY overdue!) Doing those small compromises in many facets of my life will allow me to increase my overall happiness.

So I’ve made the list of material things I actually use/need in life to make me happy at home as I’m looking to move now.

As they say, less is more but you do need these to be happy:

This what I actually need in life (in terms of material possessions)

Art on my walls

Books (only what matters)

Bed

2 sets of sheets, 2 pillows

One couch

Two cushions

One living room table

One bookshelf

TV is ok.

Good speakers are mandatory!!!

One surface to prep food

One kitchen table

Four chair

Full kitchen wares as cooking is the stuff of life.

Good knives for a change

Stove

Microwave

Fridge

Plants!!!

One cute bench for the balcony and sitting outside.

More plants.

Washer/Dryer at home

Still on the fence about a dishwasher

Broom and mop + bucket (no vacuum cleaner)

Girls get as much arts/toys/clothes as they NEED in their room (NO TABLET!!!!)

Bunk bed, two sets of sheets each

Book case (for both books and toys)

Box of legos

Box of dolls

FULL box of arts supplies

Lots of pens/crayons/glue

One small table with chairs

Set of toy train dee likes.

Never really played boardgames that much…

Clothes all they need

Necessary things for art and writing:

One work surface/desk

Laptop (no tablet)

Drawing table (optional but desired)

Set of Sakura pens (yes, less is more but you need real good tools to create)

One set of razor blades,

One set of paintbrushes

Masking tape

Black paint

Canvases

Printer

Paper

Clothes I actually need in life

3 hoodies

1 beanie

Appropriate amounts of boxer shots and socks

4 pants (three clean, one dickies for work)

Bunch of t-shirt (from devastatingly old to almost recent)

5 dress shirts (2 white, 2 black, one gray)

Adidas superstar shoes (1 pair)

Winter clothes (1 winter jacket, 1 pair of boots, one snow pants, two pairs of gloves, one scarf (maybe))

Minimum amount of things I need for fitness

Set of training bands is enough to work out every single muscle

Yoga mat

Climbing shoes

Three pairs of shorts

Considering starting snowboarding again (we’ll see)

Minimum amounts of tools necessary to home life :

Drill, bits, screws,

Electrical saw,

Screwdriver set,

Hammer,

level,

Pliers,

Olfa knife,

Razor blades,

Caulking gun,

Paintbrushes,

Sandpaper,

Small box of plaster,

Spatulas,

Glue,

Electrical tape, marrets

Mechanics gloves,

Work boots

Two steel shovels, (because CANADA)

Bigger jobs are rare, rent or borrow as needed.

That really looks like about it for my home life. Everything else is optional and/or is to be considered a “treat”

A Welder’s Son (poem/song)

A Welder’s Son

I am a welder’s son
Whose mind wandered
And found itself a home
In the word
And the way
People
Talk to each other

(Chorus) But I am a welder’s son.

I am a welder’s son
And every now and then
I need to remind myself
Of the hard, hard labour
Of the hardest craft in the world
One of them
At least

(Chorus)

I am a welder’s son
Whose life wandered
Beyond
The machines
Beyond the massive
Weight of steel
The blinding arcs
And the burn of torches

(Chorus)

I am a welder’s son
But there is a life beyond it
He has earned it for me
Lived it for me
And now I share words
With the world

But I am a welder’s son

I am a welder’s son.

The Humbling of the Climb (poem)

The Humbling of the Climb (Poem)

There is something
In the way you can’t cheat it
You can’t rage through it
You can’t clench your teeth
And power through

There is something deeper to it
It forces you to look inward
If forces you ton listen for a change

Listen
To yourself
Your strenght
Your balance
Your body
Your centre

And the centre is everything
It reaches into courage
And self trust
As you start to hang
More and more
At angles that defy logic
At the very tip of
Your fingers
and toes
And it feels like
Everything is about
To snap
But you breathe
And you hold

You hold

It forces you to think
And plan
And move in new and impossible ways.

It humbles you
Trully.
It humbles you like nothing else
As gravity
I now know
Is a strong deterrent
For pride

You will fall
And hurt yourself
Feel your arms
Lock and block
Feel your back ache
Till you can’t climb no more

And then that very last attempt
Sure
But just for fun
There is no winning this one
And you knew it
There’s a little bit of ego
Obviously
But isin’t it part of the game as well?

And then she calls you
Back to the ground
You have nothing left in you
In the best way possible.

So you smile
And look at the wall
Or the cliff
For a new path
Or a way
And yourself.

“I’ll get you next time.”

And don’t forget
To say your thanks.

Man in the Mirror (poem)

*this is one of the hardest thing I ever wrote (and I wrote hard ones). I’m not sure how comfortable I am sharing this but as an old rule of writing of mine “If you felt it to be true one day, then it may be the truth of someone else as well and it needs to exist.”

Still not comfortable about it, but here goes.

Man in the Mirror (poem)

I look at you but I can’t figure who you are
I just can’t

The shape is close enough
The beard
The skin
The hair
Sure

But the eyes are gone
The face is famished
Melted
There is an emptiness in the stare
There is a haze
Between you and me

The man in the mirror

I am in cat town
I am in 1Q84
I am here but I look

And there is an image alright
It moves when I move
It stares back at me
As I am staring at it

But I can’t tell
For the life of me
Just exactly…

God damn

Who the fuck are you?

I had to dissapear for a while.

There is this growl, this grinding noise inside of me that goes from my heart to the back of my head and I am fighting it with everything I got but it is tiring and devastating.

It started in november and we are in April and although I “understand” it now, it still finds it’s way over me every now and then.

Trying to find the right meds for it is a nightmare too. People telling just “fix your life, fix your life.” like my life has a problem. Like I “chose” for this to take over.

My life is fine on every aspect I have control over.
I got my job I got my art, my writing… vegetarian for almost 20 years, sober 20 years too. A homeowner, managed to put myself through college and a proud father of two. Up at 6h30 in the morning with the energy to conquer the world and then the noise starts.

Just the fucking noise! I can’t shake the fucking growl inside of me sometimes. It hits me with a single moment of doubt and it spins and it takes everything I got to keep it from taking over… I do the meditating, I rest, I do sports, I go for a walk…it’s just exhausting.

My dad says I can just choose to be ok. My mom is terrified ill be an addict if I take meds.

20 years sober and Id be an addict because I might (just might) need long term medication. We’re still not sure what to do with me exactly. It’s a long process for sure.

I’ve isolated myself from social media because I used to bite the hook at everything they were showing me and it was frustrating how efficient they were at getting me to click.

That came at the cost of losing contact with a handful of people I cared reading about (renee, ben, sam, john, peter, vero, steph, francis…a handful of others…)

Facebook did create a very fluid communications platform. A few weeks off of it now and I’m willing to accept how efficient it has become.

I kinda wish they fix their shit now. Why do they clickbait us, try to decide what we will see or not and that whole elections meddling fiasco too… I used to only see what my friends were up to and there was a little bit of publicity and that was ok.

Things have gone too far for me right now…Im a hypersensitive anxious guy and it was too much for me till I find my voice again. The whole big brother thing also comes into conflict with my values but losing contact with a few people I cared about is real…

I don’t expect many peole to read this but it’s my plateform for now. It will be untill the noise dissipates.

Take care.

Ian

A Family Man (Poem)

Trying to find solace in solitude
Was never for me
I needed the big family
I wanted the little struggles
Before putting them to bed.
The baths
And the teeth
And the song
Or a story
And then the brief moment to yourself
For coffee
Tea
Or a poem
A game of something

Or just sitting in silence
Just enough cuddles
Or a little bit of a talk
In peace and quiet
Equanimity
For an hour
Never more
Or not that often anyways

Because
6 AM will come again really soon
And the kids will be jumping around
Asking to be fed
And cared for
Pampered
Dressed
Taken to school

All the small
Mundane
Things of life
You didn’t know
You needed
Till you didn’t have then anymore.

A quiet evening
Food in the pantry
Bills are paid
And someone in your bed
Looking for
That little heel hook
That puts you to sleep at night.

A family man.

A Yet to be Titled Song (Poem)

A Yet to be Titled Song (Poem)

Break the truth

Into a shallow pile

Of words

Not

Even

Worth

Typing in full

A coming of age

In an atmosphere

Of shallow talk

Of shallow cuts

And shallow graves

Of the mind

Slow death of language

And love

Or passion

(chorus)

And I’m standing on a road to somewhere

I’m standing on a road to nowhere

I’m standing in a place for me.

And I’m right here fucking losing my mind

This time, It just might be the last time.

(chorus)

Cause I’m standing on a road to somewhere

I’m standing on a road to nowhere

I’m standing in a place for me.

And I’m finding what it takes to break me.

I’m finding only love can kill me

(chorus)

Cause I’m standing on a road to somewhere

I’m standing on a road to nowhere

I’m standing in a place for me.

Got lost into a wonderful breakdown

Then lost into a pitiful breakdown

Until I’m just done

With everything

I’m just done.